Epilepsy


This is a youtube video that I recently came across and thought I’d share.

How it Feels to Have a Seizure

A personal account from Aura to Grand Mal

Goosebumps occur on our skin in a reaction to cold, fear, shock and sometime due to sense of nostalgia or something awe-inspiring. The bumps are created when muscles at the base of the hair contract and cause the hair to stand straight up. It is a sympathetic nervous symptom reaction which is linked to the fight-or-flight response.” Huffington Post

Goosebumps, for me, also occur during an aura, or simple partial seizure. This is accompanied by a tingling sensation that comes from within. An overwhelming sense of confusion, helplessness, terror, and panic occur all at the same time. This feeling is at times very, very faint – almost non-existing, and lasts maybe a second. Other times it is more intense. This feeling continues to intensify until uncontrollable movements and sounds begin to happen.  A small, almost unnoticeable jerk of the arms will occur, and maybe a slight humming sound is made. This is the beginning of a complex partial seizure. As it intensifies even more, the jerking becomes more noticeable, and is spread to include not only the arms, but the legs as well. The humming sound becomes uncontrollable cries or groans. When the legs jerk, obviously, this causes me to fall to the ground. This is a full complex partial seizure. These often occur in clusters, one right after another. At times, even this intensifies. The jerking and shaking become so violent, and the feeling so strong, that I lose consciousness.  During this time of unconsciousness, there is a frothing at the mouth and my body stiffens then jerks violently.  Control of all faculties are lost. This is a Grand Mal seizure.

The above is a description of how it feels when I have a seizure.  Seizures vary greatly from person to person. After a Grand Mal, every muscle in my body is extremely sore. My head aches, and my brain is filled with confusion. For me, it usually takes about four days for my body to fully recover from a Grand Mal Seizure.

I am grateful that I no longer have grand mal seizures as often as I used to.  They used to occur about once or twice a month.  However, I haven’t had a grand mal seizure since February 28th of this year.  I do, however continue to have small seizures almost daily.  I do not let this get me down, however.  I try to find the positive in everything.  I try to find the freedom in my limitations.  It isn’t easy, but with the right outlook, it can be done.  There is a certain amount of freedom in every limitation.  If you look hard enough, you can find it.

UPDATE:  On Thursday, May 4 I suffered another Grand mal seizure.  Since then my body is still very sore.  It usually takes about 4 days to recover.
NEWEST UPDATE: Last night, May17, I had another Grand mal seizure.

 

To my life-long antagonist,

This letter is for the one who has been there with me since my childhood. It is for that someone who has consistently knocked me down, held me back, and continuously showed up at times in my life, only to prevent me from carrying on with whatever plans I may have had. You know who you are. You are the one who teases me by allowing me to think I can accomplish even the simplest task, only to show up and surprise me by stopping me, yet again. So often you have taken hold of me, shaken me up inside and out, knocked me to the ground, thrown me into shelves so that I gashed my eye, rammed my face into the tile floor until I was black and blue… Multiple times have you shown up only to cause me embarrassment in front of my friends and relatives. You have caused me to look like a fool. You have given me strange, unexplainable  feelings. You have seized me completely, only to release me when you were finished with me. For all of this, I thank you. I thank you, dear epilepsy, for making me into a stronger person than I would have been without you. I thank you, for it is because of you that I am a mother today. Yep. If it hadn’t been for you, epilepsy, I would have never considered adoption, and therefore, I would have never adopted my son. So, while you may think you have taken control of me; while you may believe that you have succeeded in making my life miserable, you are wrong. If your goal has been to make my life miserable, then dear epilepsy, you have failed miserably. For I have a wonderful life! I love my life and everyone in it. So many people have shown me tenderness and compassion in ways that they may not have shown to me if it weren’t for you. So, once again, thanks, epilepsy. I am so glad to say, “You have failed.” It is true that you’re still with me. You still manage to cause me pain and humiliation at times, and yes, even more frequently now than ever before. But guess what ? That only means you have lost again. For the more you appear, the more chances I have to gain graces from above. Looks like you just can’t win. For the harder you try to harm or humiliate me, the more chances you give me to gain graces by offering up the pain and humiliation that you cause. The only way you can win, dear epilepsy, is by going away completely. Even then, I will still have been the one to conquer. You cannot destroy my spirit or my faith. You cannot seize my will to live a happy and productive life. You cannot achieve this simply because I will not let you. You may at times have control over my body, but you will never have control over my life. Of that, only God is in control.

Sincerely,

The one you can

never conquer

If you are living with epilepsy you may wish to check out the following  blog and you tube channel :

http://theepilepticlifeofsara.blogspot.com/    and

https://www.youtube.com/user/sarab2324

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4 thoughts on “Epilepsy

  1. I grew up with a friend who had epilepsy and I remember vividly what it was like. It was frightening watching it as a child, but it made me learn early on that people are different and that I could accept people for who they are. Much love for you and look forward to reading your posts. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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